Too often throughout our lives directly or indirectly we know people able to capture our attention. There are human beings who simply attract our thoughts to them , either by his own personality and characteristics or situations that have lived with them. However, there are times that this is a problem. At that point, how do you stop thinking about a person?
Make those thoughts disappear:
The reasons why we might want to stop thinking of someone are varied. For example, we can try to outrun intrusive and constant thoughts about an old relationship that jump into our consciousness all the time and without that we can avoid it , or you might also try to avoid thinking about someone we will never have the relationship we wish, or it may be the case that we try to leave behind the sadness caused by the death of a person.
But no matter how varied they can become our motives, the fact is that there is a method that simply does not work. And besides, it is the most simple and intuitive method , which wouldtry to implement all in the case of not knowing anything about how intrusive thoughts work.This is the option of trying to suppress these thoughts voluntarily, ie, strive to disappear.
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1. “Do not think about it” it is a very effective method:
The suppression of thoughts is known to be an option that is totally unproductive. In fact, it will make us think more about that person. In this regard, investigations are famous Daniel Wegner in which he asked a number of volunteers them to think of a white bear. Then, ofcourse, they were asked to avoid this thought went back to repeat. The result was that all participants began to think of something as unusual as white bears much more than before .
So, try to suppress these thoughts and memories voluntarily not only does not work, but it keeps us thinking that we want to keep away from our mind, which makes us feel more stressed . It is a full – fledged rebound effect: the very fact help thinking about that person keeps us playing the way we think about it.
2. Accepting intrusive thoughts:
One of the strategies to follow can be practice acceptance of these thoughts, that is, not fight to make them disappear from consciousness. There is evidence that people who follow these strategies acceptance experience fewer problems than those who try to suppress these thoughts .
However, the benefits of this method have more to do with the way they make us feel these thoughts with which they appear with frequency. That is, that the acceptance of memories and fantasies related to certain people does not make them stop thinking about the short-term , but it does not feel much stress about it.
3. Managing attention:
So, we have a method that does not work and another that works partially. But … what is the best way to stop thinking about a person permanently?
As has investigated the matter, the most effective way to get rid of intrusive thoughts so it is to focus one ‘s attention on a series of actions and thoughts in which we can lose and that, of course, have no connection with that person on which we stop thinking. Taking off someone’s head, then, it has more to propose alternatives to those obsessive thoughts that try to eliminate them .
4. Romancing who should not be:
One example of the effectiveness of this strategy is found in an experiment whose results were published in 2008 in Evolution and Human Behavior . In this experiment we wanted toexplore the best alternatives when making people who were in a stable relationship would stop fantasizing about a person they considered attractive and that was out of the couple.
To do this, the researchers presented a series of images of attractive people to each of the participants in the experiment and asked them they chose to that they considered more attractive. Then they were induced to imagine how he would live a number of situations with those people because they were asked them to explain in writing why it considered that person was attractive and to describe in how they think would be the perfect date with her.
Then, some volunteers were asked to cease to think of that person. Of course, they did not succeed : they could not take the other person’s head and, indeed, thought more of her than the participants who did not I had asked them to stop having these thoughts.
5. The solution to these fantasies
What did work was to focus on the couple think of it, why he is with her, and especially why he loves her. This kind of thoughts that have the ability to catch the attention were the cause of that participants could stop thinking about the other person. In addition, the most effective time to “catch” the attention of volunteers thoughts were not those related to the sex appeal of the couple , but they had to do with love she felt for her.
After practicing this strategy, volunteers were forgetting the details about the people on that before had not been able to stop thinking.
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Remove someone’s head:
So , the trick to stop thinking someone is to find something that is able to make our attention go to it naturally , without effort, so that gradually the thoughts you want to avoid going becoming more blurred until they can reach not invade our consciousness constantly.